All right, out with it. We’re ready. Let us hear it. Hit us with your best shots.
Let cutting words and vicious mockery issue from your sneering face until it goes blue. We won’t mind. Know why?
‘Cause we’re cozy.
We know this product category suffers no shortage of haters. And if you’re contemptuous of Snuggies and Slankets, you’re probably screaming with rage at this generic knockoff.
So let loose! Hold forth! Tell us what an affront to dignity the sleeved blanket is! (But don’t examine too carefully what you mean by “dignity”, because if it turns out you’re only talking about your own fear of looking silly, we’ve got bad news for you about how you look in the middle of a heated diatribe about bedding.)
Pour out that invective, friend. We can take it. It doesn’t bother us, honestly.
In fact, we’re snug as silverfish in a hand-knotted wool textile floor covering. We’ve never felt more content! We’re reclining on the couch, watching Prometheus, and eating a bag of party mix without having to get our arms out of this warm and comfy-ass sleeved blanket.
What’s that? You hate Prometheus? You’ve got a whole six-minute monologue about how lame it is?
OK! We hope all that scorn is keeping you warm inside. (In case it’s not, you can use one of our sleevie-blankies. We’ve got extra.)
