It’s not all that we do, but offering Stuff That Everybody Else was Loath to Sell (STEELS) is a big part of our business. And a fun one. So when we saw these out-of-season Edible Arrangement gift boxes, our eyes lit up with STEELSy anticipation.
We often sell name-brand, perfectly normal stuff like yesterday’s KitchenAid mixers. But we hope that when you describe Meh to friends you don’t say, “They sell stuff like KitchenAid mixers,” but rather, “They sell stuff like holiday-themed Edible Arrangements in February."
In fact, you are the reason we can have so much fun at this silly job. Customers at another websites would turn up their boring-ass noses at these Edible Arrangements just because one of the snacks, the yogurt-covered pretzels, are “best by March 18th.” But our customers salivate at the chance to chomp some seasonally inappropriate snacks.
Well, not all of you want this stupid thing. But those of you who do probably knew so immediately upon loading this page. Your eyes too had a STEELSy glint.
Some of you have friends with a weird, ironic sense of humor who would love receiving this as a gift. Whether for a birthday, baby shower, or just because they’re them, they’ll think it’s hilarious — not strange — to receive an Edible Arrangement. And they’ll especially enjoy that it’s holiday-themed.
(Can we all pause for a minute to recognize how ridiculous it is that we have all accepted “Edible Arrangements” into our lives and lexicons as though it’s a perfectly normal thing? I remember the first time I saw an Edible Arrangement storefront and thought it was the stupidest and most-sure-to-fail concept I had ever beheld. Now, 10 years later, I’m writing about the brand without batting an eye at the name. “Oh yeah, we’re selling Edible Arrangements? Sure.”)
Others of you are likely calculating the price per calorie that these Edible Arrangements yield. You’re thinking about scarfing it down yourself unceremoniously as a utilitarian means to a caloric end. We love you guys, too.
Others of you don’t even care or possibly know what an Edible Arrangement is. You just get off on knowing that you’re paying a fraction of retail for … something … anything. It doesn’t matter so long as you can brag about how cheaply you got it and feel superior to those suckers who paid full price. You guys understand fully the allure of STEELS.
Tomorrow we might go back to selling regular old products. Or we might sell something else that no other retailer was willing to push, like motion-activated headphones or reusable glow-sticks. In any case, savor these STEELS while they lasts.
And by the love of God, savor the yogurt-covered pretzels before next December.
