Number Two For Tuesday
[1] Do you have more than one bathroom? If YES go to [2], if NO go to [3]
[2] Are you already a bidet user or would this be your first? If BIDET USER go to [4] if FIRST TIMER go to [5]
[3] You might think to pass on this deal, as you’d be getting one more bidet than you have bathrooms. But have you considered the advantages of surreptitiously installing a bidet in another bathroom you frequent, such as at work, at the local coffee shop, or at the location of your weekly Catan & Chili Cook-Off nights? Nobody has to know it was you who installed it, and everyone who uses this second-string commode will be grateful for the benevolence. Go to [7]
[4] As a dedicated bidet user, you know it can be both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, you know how clean it feels to thoroughly jet your nethers with water. On the other hand, you still sometimes have to use a toilet without a bidet, which is like flying coach when you’re used to first class. You may have one bidet-equipped bathroom, but what if it’s in use? Stop settling for “The Wiping Toilet” and outfit every piece of porcelain properly. Go to [7]
[5] Do you generally prefer your butt to be as clean as possible or not as clean as possible? If you prefer a CLEAN butt go to [7], if you prefer a LESS CLEAN butt go to [6]
[6] We always wondered why anti-bidet folks held that opinion, and now we understand. You should definitely pass on this deal, as it will clean your butt too thoroughly for your own stated preferences. Check back tomorrow on Meh when we’ll likely sell something that has no effect whatsoever on your heinie hygiene.
[7] It’s settled, then, you’ve chosen an adventure in multi-bidet ownership. Congratulations, and make sure to look properly askance at your friends who ended up on choice 6.
