Gifts that provide utility, like this emergency tool, can be a double-edged seatbelt cutter. Everybody should appreciate receiving a gift that could be potentially life-saving. But not everybody will.
We’re selling 2 of these tools for less than the usual price of 1. So you could keep 1 for yourself and give the other to a friend or relative who will appreciate a gift with utilitarian applications instead of maudlin sentimentality. And since this recipient is of a practical persuasion, they’ll likely check the price online and be wowed by your generosity.
On the other hand, one must be confident that the recipient of a utility gift will, in fact, appreciate it. Even the most stoical stepdads, who seem to have had every drop of emotion wrung from them years ago, can surprise one with their desire for useless, “thoughtful” gifts.
Furthermore, if you want to maintain the illusion that you paid full price for this 5-in-1 emergency tool, you’ll have to keep the one you bought for yourself a secret. Because if the recipient sniffs out the fact that you bought a 2-pack for cheap, the jig will, as they say, be up.
You must therefore hide your half of the pair until the end of your days. And, like a Telltale Emergency Tool, its presence will forever remind you of the secret you keep from your practically minded friend or relative. Your sleep will be fitful, your dreams haunted. You’ll live under constant worry that your cheapness will become known and your generosity questioned.
Of course, your gift might eventually save the recipient’s life. Or at least save him from a roadside nightmare of his own. So you must weigh the cost of maintaining a secret for the rest of your life against saving someone else’s.
Or you could tell the recipient that you got it for cheap on Meh. If they are truly utilitarian, they’ll appreciate that you scored a deal.
In case you’re wondering what this thing actually is, or if you just want to see someone smash some glass, here’s a video:
