Today we’re selling a Shark Steam Mop, and racing it against Michael Phelps. Sort of.
As you may have heard or bemoaned, Michael Phelps “raced” a “shark” on the Discovery Channel last weekend to determine “ocean supremacy.’ Except he didn’t actually race a shark, they just had him swim in the ocean for a bit and then compare his time to a largely hypothetical idea of how fast a Great White Shark swims. And it wasn’t even a real shark but a computer-generated simulacrum.
In short: The Discovery Channel jumped the shark by racing the shark.
You may have also heard that Microsoft discontinued MS Paint this week and then backtracked following an internet revolt.
To celebrate this victory and revel in the Phelps debacle, today we’re pitting a real Shark Steam Mop against a computer-generated Michael Phelps using cutting-edge MS Paint technology.
Let’s go to the race:
Now, humans can reach swimming speeds of 6 MPH and Great white sharks can do about 25 MPH, but the speed of Shark Mop has never been measured … until now!
And they’re off. The computer-generated Phelps takes an early lead. The Shark Steam Mop engages its mysterious “Blast & Scrub” functionality and closes the gap. The two racers near their finish line at nearly a dead heat and …
The Shark Mop wins!!
What a historic day for humanity, entertainment, and retail. Let’s go to the podium for the medal ceremony, where … Oh no!
Phelps has been swallowed by the CGI shark he “lost” to last weekend! What a stunning turn of events and another insult to injury for the beleaguered swimming star.
