Blanket Statement
Review of the Snuggle Me 15 Pound Weighted Blanket, submitted by user Ferguson Templeshin.
Until a few months ago, I was merely the top ranked player in the Crowley High Chess Club. By which I mean, I was a ‘nerd.’ Many were the fifth periods I spent shoved inside a locker, and oft did I walk the halls with a piece of looseleaf taped to my back upon which a jock had sketched something obscene.
All of this I could handle.
What put me over the edge was when Crazy Jake and his band of BMX-riding cronies circled me and my friends in the student parking lot after a very successful Chess Club bake sale. We hoped to use the money we’d raised to fund a trip to Washington DC for the big national chess tournament. Unfortunately–in a flurry of rad, death-defying cycle tricks–those mohawk-adorned punks took every last penny from us.
That was the day everything changed. As Crazy Jake rode away, spouting something about how he was going to graffiti the floats at the homecoming parade, I made a promise to myself: I would take the the energy I usually reserved for academics and games requiring strategy and intellect and siphon it into becoming a bonafide badass. I would train until homecoming, at which point I would thwart Crazy Jake’s plan and become the hero Crowley High never knew they needed.
I started strong. Each morning, I drank a glass of raw eggs, went for a run, and lifted weights. I started to notice changes in myself. No longer was I the gaunt dweeb known for raising his hand before Mr. Kellerman could finish reading the question in advanced calculus. Suddenly, I had become a ripped, leather-jacket-wearing cool kid who just happened to have the IQ of an astro-physicist.
Then I got a little too greedy. I thought I could double my progress if I started lifting more weights in my sleep. So I bought a Snuggle Me 15 Pound Weighted Blanket. The problem is the blanket worked exactly like advertised: it helped me fall asleep faster, reduced some of my stress and anxiety, and gave me the impression that I was being hugged all night.
This has been good for my mental wellbeing, but not my goal of becoming a vigilante force-of-good to counter Crazy Jake’s menace. Thanks to the peace of mind the weighted blanket has provided, I see that, while it would be cool to live out my senior year as a hero, none of it will matter when I’m graduating summa cum laude at Stanford in a few years.
So, I’m going back to playing chess. The only difference is now my bed is a bit more comfy.
Overall Thoughts: Not good for getting cut in your sleep, but great for your mindset.
I have it - it really works
